Of Lace and Fanboys
by Norberta772
Summary: One day, a suspicious love triangle arises between Connor, Hayden, and Risa, just when the Doctor lands the TARDIS in their jet. Total weirdness ensues. HayCon, ConRisa.


**Author's Note: Hello dearest readers, and welcome to another strange little fanfic on which I collaborated with connorxrisa897. For the record, we were both extremely tired and spazzy at the time we wrote this. Furthermore, while we are both huge ConRisa shippers, we felt that HayCon needed some love too. Enjoy! :D**

**Disclaimer: We apologize if we scar you for life with this bizarre story. We also don't own ****_Unwind _****or ****_Doctor Who._**

**Connor's POV**

Hayden and Connor are sitting on the couch, watching _Say Yes to the Dress. _They are having a heated debate about Jackie's ball-gown and whether it is the most flattering thing for her figure. Connor argues that while the skirt makes her look like a cupcake, the lace detailing on the bodice is simply fabulous. Hayden, however, is not a fan of lace, and thinks the gown would benefit from a few more sequins. Much to Connor's approval, Jackie's final selection is a sheer lace mermaid dress, for which she pays $16,000.

Connor sighs romantically and looks at Hayden.

"I love lace."

"I'd like to see _you _in lace," Hayden says suggestively.

Connor stares at him in shock.

"Hayden… I had no idea you felt that way. I… do you mean it?"

Hayden takes a moment to look deeply into Connor's eyes.

"Of course. Ever since the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the one. There's nothing I'd like more than to… you know."

"Do you mean _now_?"

Hayden raises one eyebrow and smirks.

"I wonder if Risa has any lace…" he trails off seductively, tracing a finger down Connor's chest.

Connor smiles knowingly.

"Oh, she does."

Hayden and Connor start passionately making out. Soon, _Say Yes to the Dress _ has been all but forgotten.

**Risa's POV**

Risa decides she's going to surprise Connor. She goes to find her lace, but it's missing. It looks as though someone feverishly rummaged through her special trunk at the bottom of her closet. Only Connor could know it was there. _What would Connor want with her lace?_

She hears the couch springs squeaking in the other room of the plane. It used to be an entertainment jet. Risa wonders if Connor is jumping on the couch again. He's such a child; she frequently finds him jumping on the furniture, squishing the cushions terribly. Though the furniture is uncomfortable afterward, Risa finds it adorable. This makes her all the more curious to see what's going on.

What she finds is _much_ unexpected. She knew Hayden liked Connor, but…

"Connor!" They don't hear her.

"CONNOR!" They hear her now. "What _are_ you doing?" she asks the boys.

"I don't know about Hayden, but I was sleepwalking," Connor says, looking down.

"That didn't look like walking to me," Risa says.

"Didn't feel like walking, either…" Hayden murmurs.

"Hayden, get out," Risa orders. He gathers his clothes off the floor, and struts shamelessly out the door, but not before throwing a not-so-subtle wink in Connor's direction.

"See you later, babe."

Risa sighs and glares at Connor.

"Really? _Really?!" _

Connor blushes, and looks down sheepishly.

"I'm sorry, Risa, really I am."

"No, you're not," Risa mutters. "And I won't pretend I'm not mad at you for cheating on me. But… I think I know how you could make it up to me."

"How?" Connor asks cluelessly.

"You still owe me from that time at Happy Jack…" she whispers seductively.

…

Hayden bursts into the room, startling Connor and Risa.

"DID YOU GUYS HEAR THAT! THE TARDIS!"

"Oh my God, Hayden, seriously?" Risa screeches.

"What are you talking about?" Connor asks, baffled.

"IT'S THE TARDIS, YOU UNCULTURED MORONS!"

"What's a TARDIS?" Connor asks.

"Time And Relative Dimension In Space. It's the Doctor's"

A strange man in a striped suit and a long coat waltzes in, muttering, "What's all this banging?"

Risa blushes, while Connor asks,

"Who're you?"

"I'm the Doctor."

"Doctor who?"

"Just the Doctor."

Hayden stares at the Doctor with admiration and disbelief.

"What kind of ship is this?" the Doctor asks.

"It's a 787 Dreamliner," Connor pipes up.

"I'm Hayden, by the way," Hayden announces hopefully.

"Hello, Hayden, nice to meet you," the Doctor says cheerfully, shaking his hand.

Hayden gleefully presses his hand to his face, sighing with sheer joy.

"Okay, enough of this, I'm out," Risa grumbles, walking away.

"Wait, Risa!" Connor calls after her. "Can you make me a sandwich?"

"Sure, fine, whatever," she says, heading towards the kitchen.

"So, Doctor, what are you doing in our ship?"

"What year is this?"

"2044."

"Oops… I was aiming for 9944."

"Why? What happens in 9944?" Hayden asks.

"Can't tell you."

"Why not," Connor inquires.

"… Wibbly wobbly timey wimey…" Hayden does a small victory dance at this remark.

Risa comes back in the room.

"Wait a minute… how did you get on our plane?"

"The TARDIS."

"Told you!" Hayden exclaims.

"Is something burning?" The Doctor asks.

"The sandwich!" Risa yells, running out of the room. The Doctor, Hayden, and Connor follow.

"How on Earth did you _burn _a sandwich?!" Connor asks.

"Why would you put it in the microwave for _seven minutes_?!" Hayden adds, amusedly examining the microwave. "And how did we not notice the smell of scorching pastrami?"

The Doctor pulls out his sonic screwdriver and waves it around the smoking machine. Instantly, the smoke evaporates. Hayden does another victory dance while Connor and Risa stare at the Doctor in amazement.

"I'm not even going to bother asking how you did that," Risa says.

"Sonic screwdriver," the Doctor tells her.

"Nice socks, Doctor," Connor smirks.

"Why thank you." The Doctor says. He takes off his shoes revealing blue socks with bow-tie wearing penguins. Connor gapes in astonishment.

"Well, it's been brilliant, but I'd better be off," the Doctor says. He runs into Risa's room. After a moment, they hear a weird noise.

"What's that?" Connor asks.

"The TARDIS!"

Risa sighs loudly.

"Enough of this, I'm going to bed," she mutters. "This day has been way too weird."

"Can I come?" Connor pleads.

"No, you're still in trouble," she states. "Good_night._"

Once she leaves, Hayden says,

"I think I'm headed to bed too. However, you are always invited."

"Count me in."

**P.S. Not sorry.**


End file.
